The Spy Who Loved Me Back
by potionguru
Summary: The Spy Who Loved Me Back Post Deathly Hollows, Severus recounts the tale of how he and his beloved Beatrix met, fell in love and married, to his less than enthused children. It's a big bowl of action, espionage, humour, romance, friendship, love and family, with a couple of twists and turns. Rated M for coarse language and later sexual content.


The pilot

The day started off as any other day at the Snape residence. Fiona, the youngest daughter of Beatrix and Severus Snape was diligently working away at her cauldron trying to perfect her father's sleeping draught potion, while Dahlia, their eldest daughter, like any typical teenager, was locked away in her bedroom brooding about life in general. Severus was in the kitchen preparing a light snack for the girls and Beatrix was running a few errands in Diagon Alley.

"I am board this day sucks", came the proverbial cry of Miss Dahlia as she stomped down the stairs into the kitchen.

Severus having been an educator for several years was accustom to the annoying whine of hormonal teenagers and would traditionally respond in one of three ways to any of his students: detention, a snide remark, or roll his eyes and ignore the insolent child. However, given that this was his own flesh and blood talking, he held his tongue and responded in a somewhat civil manner.

"Read a book or something, visit friends, explore life", replied her father in his typical dry witted voice.

"Did that, Victoire and Teddy are busy and as for your last suggestion, I do not have my apparitions license so I cannot, as you suggest "explore life", retorted his daughter.

"Hey I did not cause the storm that cancelled your apparitions test, now did I" replied Severus.

"I wouldn't put it past you", quipped Dahlia.

"Woosh, woosh", sounded the floo.

"Ah it appears your mother is home, let's go help her with the parcels, shall we", said more as an order than a question.

"Hey luvs", greeted Beatrix as she kissed her daughter on the cheek and her husband on the lips, lingering on her husband's lips for longer than their daughter would have cared to witness.

"Hi mommy", came the voice of their youngest daughter Fiona as she came upstairs from her father's laboratory.

"Daddy, I think I may have found a cheaper substitute for Valerian Sprigs, and I may have shaved off some stirring rotations from 7 to 4, but I will have to run some more test to make sure. Isn't that incredible? Said Fiona with enthusiasm.

"That is intriguing my dear, but let me check it over before you test it on any human subjects, we do not want a situation like last time now do we?" replied Severus.

"That's not fair, Teddy's eyebrows grew back, and no one really noticed the pigment change to his skin, they just chocked it up to his metamorphugus abilities", cried Fiona in defense.

All four of them helped take the parcels to the kitchen and began putting away the items, Severus was just about to reach for the refrigerator handle to put away the lamb chops they were going to have for dinner, when he suddenly froze, stopped dead in his tracks. Staring him in the face was the 2012/2013 calendar; it was July 16th 2013. Now, this date does not have much significance to the rest of the world, no monumental event took place that day, but it did have importance to both Severus and Beatrix. As it was on this day, 14 years ago that Severus Snape and Beatrix Bell (maiden name) back then tied the knot and became Mr. and Mrs. Snape. Severus started to panic, he never forgot their anniversary, and neither did Beatrix, but this year they had both somehow forgot.

"What does this mean", he began to ponder. "Did Beatrix actually forget or is she not saying anything hoping I'll broach the subject?" "She does not appear mad, hurt or upset, but then she was a spy for fuck sakes and skilled in the art of deception". Worried Severus.

Sensing something was not right Beatrix sauntered over to the refrigerator and gently taped Severus on the shoulder, waking him from his thoughts.

"Darling is everything alright?" Beatrix asked in a gentle but concerned voice, it was uncommon to see Severus wearing the expression of deer caught in headlights.

"Yah dad is everything alright" chimed Fiona.

"Umm, yes all is well, umm luv, do you know what day it is? Inquired Severus in a shaky voice.

Beatrix just shrugged her shoulders with a rather puzzled expression on her face.

"Happy anniversary", Severus sheepishly blurted out.

"Anniversary, what day is today? Oh shit it, it's July 16th that would be our anniversary. Hahahahahahaha…."

"You, you are not mad?" inquired Severus.

"Mad, why would I be mad? I too forgot our anniversary luv, it has been a hectic few months, what with you giving up your Hogwarts post and taking on the head of the potions department at the Ministry and me with preparing for the Mercible hearing, babe we just forgot, it does not mean we love each other any less, now does it, replied Beatrix.

"No I suppose not, I love you so much". Severus brushed a stray hair from his wife's face and kissed her lips softly, at 42 she was still a bombshell who could easily render him speechless with just one kiss.

"Hem hem", the kids said in unison. Remember we are still in the room, I think it is child abuse if you subject us to your inappropriate displays of affection, quipped Dahlia, in a loving but mocking tone.

"Happy Anniversary mum and dad", said Dahlia.

"Happy Anniversary mummy and daddy"! Chimed Fiona

"Thank you girls, do you know how lucky I am to have this woman in my life? In fact do you know how lucky we all are to have this woman in our lives", said Severus lovingly as he hugged his wife from behind holding her at her waist. You know it wasn't easy to get your mother to agree to go out with me.

"I was playing hard to get", jested Beatrix.

"Kids, have I ever told you the story of how I met your mother"? Inquired Severus.

(ba ba ba baaaa ba baa ba baaaaaaa ba baaaaa ba ba da da ba ba da da daaaaa: "How I Met Your Mother theme song")

Sitting around the table Severus began to tell the story about how he and his beloved met, courted and married.

"To get the full picture I will have to start back to the summer of 1992. It was, as I am sure you have read in your history textbooks, the first year Voldemort made his appearance since the first war. Harry Potter had just finished his first year of school and he and the Golden Trio, had saved the day, oh joy (said with sarcasm). I was discussing the situation with the Headmaster of Hogwarts at the time, Albus Dumbledore…

"Severus, it appears as though Voldemort has return and I fear that the next several years will be dire times. To quote an expression from a muggle Tel-O-Vision- show "The shit will hit the fan". As we discussed and prepared for, once Voldemort returns you know what you will have to do." Cautioned Dumbledore.

"Yes, Sir I am aware of my duties, and what role I will have to play, but what about Harry? Life for the boy will get harder and harder as _He-Who-Must_-Not-Be-Named gains strength, replied Snape.

" Stop, stop stop stop the story. Dad, are you seriously going to start right back from the beginning of the second war? I mean seriously, we have read about it in history of modern magic textbook, we recount it each year at the anniversary ceremony and the portrait of headmaster Dumbledore stops us several times a day to sing your praises as well as the praises of the "Golden Trio". Can't we skip ahead to the point where you and mom actually meet, because I happen to know for a fact that you two met back in 96", complained Dahlia.

"Oh and you think you know it all now do you? And just who told you when we met"? inquired Severus.

"Aunt Mini", replied Dahlia.

"Damn Minerva", replied Severus under his breath.

"Well alright I suppose I can skip ahead a few years, girls".

"It was 1996, Harry's fifth year of Hogwarts and you would think the Ministry was playing a game of ostrich with the way their heads were buried in the sand. The Dark Lord had in fact risen, despite the Ministry's attempt to suppress that knowledge, Delores Umbridge would be coming to Hogwarts to take on the role of Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, later high inquisitor, and then Headmistress of Hogwarts. It was the summer before the next term, before the Dementor incident. The Order of the Phoenix had been reinstated and I was heading to the safe house for one of our weekly meetings", Severus recounted…..

Severus sat at the kitchen table at the Black's residence, waiting for the meeting to commence. In truth it was the last place on earth he wanted to be. Sirius was being the same prick he always was and Molly was busy cooking up a storm. Albus came into the kitchen followed by Kingsley, Moody, Tonks and three young, mysterious women. Once we all settled down Dumbledore commenced the meetings

"Oh and kids the only reason I am able to tell you these events is that the information has been declassified by the Auror Department", otherwise I would have to kill you", jested Snape.

"Daddy, just tell the story already", laughed Fiona …..

"Hello, thank you all for coming this evening, there are lots of things to discuss, firstly, is there anything new to report to us Severus regarding He- Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?" Inquired Albus.

"Many of his former followers have returned, I can provide you with a list of names, he may soon start recruiting new members, that is all", said Severus in his long drawn out deep voice.

"That's it you stupid greasy git? That's all the information you have for us, oh I can see were your loyalty lies", Yelled Sirius.

"If my information is not good enough for you, why don't you go out and do some investigating yourself? Oh that's right, the little puppy is confined to his dog house", quipped Servers.

"WHY YOU!..." said Sirius.

"Gentlemen that is enough"! Demanded Albus.

Albus continued on with the meeting with little interruption. They all went around the table each one filling each other in on the information they held. Much of the information was of no importance or significance. Moody just reiterated his message of "constant vigilance".

"Moving on, some of you may be wondering who our guest are this evening",

Severus glanced at the three women in the corner, one red head, a blonde, and chestnut brunet. He then glanced over at Black who looked like a horny teenager ready to lose his load. "Seriously Black they're just women", Severus thought to himself.

Please join me in welcoming agent Moonshine, Davies and Belle. They are American aurors with the American Magical Intelligence Association ( AMIA); the American's have agreed to join the cause and have sent us their top three intelligence agents to assist us.

The Order applauded and welcomed the three women, Black and one of the Weasley kids were eager to shake their hands and get better acquainted, if you know what I mean. Severus just sat there with his arms folded staring in the direction of the one of the three women, the brunet. Once the crowed settled down the brunet, agent Belle addressed the table.

"Hello my name is agent Beatrix Belle, and these are my colleagues Alison Moonshine and Penelope Davies. We are, as Albus indicated, American i aurors, part of a top secret, elite task force that works above the local auror agency, sometimes even above the country for that matter. Despite your government's attempt to ignore the uprising, our division is convinced of Voldemort's return and we plan to assist you in any way possible to prevent the spread of his empire", said Beatrix

Several members gasped at her speaking He- Who- Must-Not-Be-Named name. However, she brushed the incident aside.

As Beatrix continued explaining who they were and such she felt the gaze of the tall pale man in the back dressed in black. His gaze soon turned to a down right invasion and she intently put an end to what she knew he was about to do next.

"Now this concludes this evenings Order meeting", please stay for light refreshments and get better acquainted with our new members", suggested Dumbledore.

Once dismissed several of the Order members bombarded the new guests, pelting them with question after question. Molly especially was relentless in her stream of inquiry. Black was trying to be, what I suppose he thought, was charming, but in reality it was an awkward attempt to put the moves on the blonde girl, agent Moonshine. Severus although intrigued with the new arrivals did not feel the need to socialize and decided that he would leave the party and return to his home on Spinners End. As he snuck into the foyer he bumped into the tall brunet who also appeared to be making a beeline for the exit.

"Oh I am sorry Miss…. Belle is it?" said Severus.

"Yes Agent Belle. And you are Severus Tobias Snape; son of Eileen Prince witch and Tobias Snape, abusive muggle. You live on Spinner's End; you currently work at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy where you hold the position of potions professor and head of Slytherin house; you have applied for the defence against the dark arts position every year since you first started. Oh and you were a former Death Eater, but defected to the good side after a particular tragedy. Does this sum it all up?" recounted Beatrix in a cool tone with a raised eyebrow.

Severus was infuriated, he was a very private man and this woman seemed to know far more about him then he cared for.

"How in hell do you know all this"! Demanded Snape.

"I make it my business to know, isn't that what a good spy does"? Beatrix retorted.

Beatrix moved passed Snape in an attempt to reach the front door, but Severus grabbed her wrist, not finished with his own interrogation. This was a bad move on Severus's part. In a blink of an eye he found himself being flipped onto his back, disarmed and lying there on the floor of the foyer with a stiletto boot pressed firmly into his jugular and a wand pointed at his head.

"Don't you dare fuck with me Snape, I am trained in Krav Maga, Taekwondo, Ninjitsu and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Oh and I am also skilled in legilimency and occlumency among other things, so when I felt your pathetic attempt to penetrate my mind a few minutes ago while I was addressing the Order, I fucking noticed". FYI they don't call me the" Black Basilisk" for nothing ", said Beatrix in a most serious tone.

"Now I am going to remove my boot from your throat and hand you back your wand, if you attempt to grab me again I will have no problem repeating my actions, is that clear? And one more thing, stay the hell out of my head, got it?" demanded Belle.

Severus just nodded. He was humiliated, but not stupid to try anything else, clearly he may have met his match. Beatrix removed her boot as promised and handed back his wand. Despite his humiliation her level of skill intrigued him. Clearly there was more to this girl then just a pretty face, she had skills and Severus was curious to see what else this woman was capable of doing, hopefully not on the receiving end of her talents in the future.

Beatrix exited Grimmauld place with a smug expression on her face, happy she was able to put the jerk in his place, but also deep down she was somewhat intrigued by his skill to penetrate her mind, even if he got caught.

They both exited Grimmauld Place and went their separate ways in to the night. Both somewhat looking forward to their next encounter with each other. All the while the rest of the Order was oblivious to their little encounter.

"Wait a minute, Mom kicked your arse the first time you met"? Dahlia said in mock surprise.

"Mommy that was impressive", chimed Fiona.

"Well he had it coming, and language Dahlia", replied Beatrix looking somewhat apologetic.

"She did in fact as you put it Dahlia kick my arse. However, it did teach me a valuable lesson", said Severus.

"Oh and what's that dear", inquired Beatrix.

"It taught me to never mess with your mother".

They all laughed at Severus's comment. In hindsight the incident paved the way for their budding romance. The kids started to get up to leave the table.

"Hey where are you all going"? Inquired Severus.

"You told us how you met mom, we thought the story was over", replied Dahlia.

"It is certainly not over ", corrected Severus.

"Well than I am getting a snack, I have a hunch it is going to be a while", replied Fiona.

"I need to use the loo", stated Dahlia.

"I should put dinner up if we want to eat by seven", said Beatrix.

"Fine all of you go and do your business; we shall reconvene in one hour", said Severus.

So I hope you like this chapter. It is a combination of comedy, romance, adventure, and family. It is a play on how I met your mother, Charlie's Angles/James Bond and Kill Bill ("Black Basilisk"). It will stay true to cannon in some areas but deviate considerably in others. Please review as I thrive on constructive criticism.


End file.
